the complete awareness

…is to know that you were born with reasons. To understand that every little action you took affects people and environment around you. To be able to accept the fact that every single decisions you’ve made was pieces of a puzzle that somehow created who you are now. That even on the most thin logical ways, you believe that everything has their own places and times, that there’s only one Great Director up there who planned all this. That every single time, all you should ever do is to try your best to reach the best version of your self. That way, you will find balance between the world of your own, the world between you and others, and the world between you and the Great Director.

It’s never easy of course, as dynamic as this world could be, people changes everytime and you live within the ‘fast-move’ world, where everything is now serve in an instant mode, you wonder and often ask why would I care about my reasons? Why should I care about others, and people? Why don’t we just live in our own world and just, you know, live.

But now as I realized, that actions I took not only affects people around me, but literally hurted my body. And I never realized it until I fell down, struggling to even take a breath. This is not my first time, but this should be the worst of all, because beside the fact that this happen at the very wrong time, I kinda set my self out-far away from people-who loved me with their own way. More of the more, the number at the blood diagnosys chart blasted out of the record I ever had. My heart beating slow, I can barely stand and see, cold and shaking hardly, my head like a bomb will explode within seconds. All I can do is tell my boss to not fired me. Not yet. And he just laughed at my silliness.

So this is it, what I really want, to sinking in. Now I know to understand my first paragraph up there, we must learn to acknowledge all the consequences to our self, and once we do, makes sure that we are strong enough to face or carry it, whatever the consequences will be.

Otherwise try to find the best version of who you are, that will put you to a good sleep everynight, a wonderful knowing that you are loved, no matter what. That should lead you to balance your sun and moon everyday, aware of what you have, aware of all you ever dream of, aware of all you fears, aware of your laugh and tears, aware of every single consequences from actions you took, at the very least to your self and to people you love most. The world can wait.

Good night, my dear
I’ll try my best to hang on this
Hold my hand and we’re halfway there
Kisses your forehead and tucked you in

Sunday, May 31, 2009 at 11:41pm

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Categories: a letter to my unborn child | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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