losing 999 of my 1.000 hopes

I hope it was just a dream. A black hole in my own kitchen and always, feeling lonely in the crowd. Fine. It’s a classic dream of mine lately. But when I found my self crying softly, silently, I knew he’s gone. and it hurts.

I never expected to love him this far. I never planned to care and love him deeply, wondering what he’s doing everytime, every second I realized he’s not near me. I’m not always following his sense for a while when he’s jumping to hug me and simply put his head on my lap out of nowhere. Everytime was just a regular times I’d spend with anyone. So I wonder why should I feel like I’m losing him this deep.

He never has any exact time to be any kinds of mood. He’s sort of random when it goes to what he wanted to do. Just one for sure, is that he always got curious with everybody’s steps and always take position to be ready to jump and hug people’s feet. And yeah, he can tell the difference, whose feet were there.

Not once he talks, or whisper, everything was always managed by his own skill to understand what happened inside the house, what happened with the people, so he used to  just wait and be patient, until it’s time for us to finally took care of his needs. somehow we managed okay.

With his own way, he gave reasons for my mom to start to build her marriage life with her husband, once again. And it was the biggest surprise I ever acknowledged given from him, that from that moment on, he became a member of this mess family. A member worked hard to put a smile on everyone’s face, no matter how the days been for each of us,  even by causing mess in the house.

Somehow at one point, I think he’s a human being, trapped in a body of a cute-weird-hyperactive cat. Because I know, somehow, cat shouldn’t acted like the way he acted. So, in my mind set, he’s a human being trapped in a body of a cute-weird-hyperactive cat. Period.

Tell me I’m crazy, but I love him deep. Feel like I’m losing 999 of my 1.000 hopes when he was gone. Losing my only reason to come home. His short illness hasn’t bother anyone yet, and yet he was gone, in a corner he loved so much, when he used to hide from other stupid cats outside and fell asleep there when it rains, when it was time to sleep.

And I always believed he was sleeping, finally rest assure his hyperactive moves and lay down all of his curiousity.

Yes. He was just a cat. And it hasn’t stop my tears falling down since then. because he’s just a cat. My cute-weird-hyperactive cat. So long, babe. I will miss you, very much.

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Categories: cats, thoughts | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

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