Monthly Archives: March 2012

Indonesian National Film Day 2012

For those directors too selfish to touch spectators,

writers do plagiats,

producers enabling no-budget film – buy creativity in no value,

filmmakers do corruptions and act like angels,

production houses blinded by politics and never care for art,

actors too narciss to care for dedications,

unbelievably super ego-maniac festival organizers,

seniors with their bullying methods,

juniors with their persistences on keeping it continue,

government people who does absolutely nothing – except for money,

theatres too stupid to even understand their own products,

for these people, I say, congratulations. It’s a National Film Day 2012.

Categories: film, mess, people, thoughts, work | Tags: | Leave a comment

Narciscuss and Echo

I was having a massage when my masseuse asked me, “what is narciss?”

I was almost falling asleep, cos hey, her massage was good, like go-oo-oo-d. But since it’s a cute question, coming from her (she is 50 years old woman, living her life by giving massages), I decided to tell her the story.

Narcissus and Echo

-as adapted from Ovid version-

Long ago, in the ancient world, there was born to the blue-eyed Nymph Liriope, a beautiful boy, whom she called Narcissus. An oracle foretold at his birth that he should be happy and live to a good old age if he “never saw himself.” As this prophecy seemed ridiculous his mother soon forgot all about it.

Narcissus grew to be a stately, handsome youth. His limbs were firm and straight. Curls clustered about his white brow, and his eyes shone like two stars. He loved to wander among the meadow flowers and in the pathless woodland. But he disdained his playmates, and would not listen to their entreaties to join in their games. His heart was cold, and in it was neither hate nor love. He lived indifferent to youth or maid, to friend or foe.

Now, in the forest near by dwelt a Nymph named Echo. She had been a handmaiden of the goddess Juno. But though the Nymph was beautiful of face, she was not loved. She had a noisy tongue. She told lies and whispered slanders, and encouraged the other Nymphs in many misdoings. So when Juno perceived all this, she ordered the troublesome Nymph away from her court, and banished her to the wildwood, bidding her never speak again except in imitation of other peoples’ words. So Echo dwelt in the woods, and forever mocked the words of youths and maidens.

One day as Narcissus was wandering alone in the pathless forest, Echo, peeping from behind a tree, saw his beauty, and as she gazed her heart was filled with love. Stealthily she followed his footsteps, and often she tried to call to him with endearing words, but she could not speak, for she no longer had a voice of her own.

At last Narcissus heard the sound of breaking branches, and he cried out: “Is there any one here?”

And Echo answered softly: “Here!”

Narcissus, amazed, looking about on all sides and seeing no one, cried: “Come!”

And Echo answered: “Come!”

Narcissus cried again: “Who art thou? Whom seekest thou?”

And Echo answered: “Thou!”

Then rushing from among the trees she tried to throw her arms about his neck, but Narcissus fled through the forest, crying: “Away! away! I will die before I love thee!”

And Echo answered mournfully: “I love thee!”

And thus rejected, she hid among the trees, and buried her blushing face in the green leaves. And she pined, and pined, until her body wasted quite away, and nothing but her voice was left. And some say that even to this day her voice lives in lonely caves and answers men’s words from afar.

Now, when Narcissus fled from Echo, he came to a clear spring, like silver. Its waters were unsullied, for neither goats feeding upon the mountains nor any other cattle had drunk from it, nor had wild beasts or birds disturbed it, nor had branch or leaf fallen into its calm waters. The trees bent above and shaded it from the hot sun, and the soft, green grass grew on its margin.

Here Narcissus, fatigued and thirsty after his flight, laid himself down beside the spring to drink. He gazed into the mirror-like water, and saw himself reflected in its tide. He knew not that it was his own image, but thought that he saw a youth living in the spring.

He gazed on two eyes like stars, on graceful slender fingers, on clustering curls worthy of Apollo, on a mouth arched like Cupid’s bow, on blushing cheeks and ivory neck. And as he gazed his cold heart grew warm, and love for this beautiful reflection rose up and filled his soul.

He rained kisses on the deceitful stream. He thrust his arms into the water, and strove to grasp the image by the neck, but it fled away. Again he kissed the stream, but the image mocked his love. And all day and all night, lying there without food or drink, he continued to gaze into the water. Then raising himself, he stretched out his arms to the trees about him, and cried:–

“Did ever, O ye woods, one love as much as I! Have ye ever seen a lover thus pine for the sake of unrequited affection?”

Then turning once more, Narcissus addressed his reflection in the limpid stream –

“Why, dear youth, dost thou flee away from me? Neither a vast sea, nor a long way, nor a great mountain separates us! only a little water keeps us apart! Why, dear lad, dost thou deceive me, and whither dost thou go when I try to grasp thee? Thou encouragest me with friendly looks. When I extend my arms, thou extendest thine – when I smile, thou smilest in return – when I weep, thou weepest – but when I try to clasp thee beneath the stream, thou shunnest me and fleest away! Grief is taking my strength, and my life will soon be over! In my early days am I cut off, nor is Death grievous to me, now that he is about to remove my sorrows!”

Thus mourned Narcissus, lying beside the woodland spring. He disturbed the water with his tears, and made the woods to resound with his sighs. And as the yellow wax is melted by the fire, or the hoar frost is consumed by the heat of the sun, so did Narcissus pine away, his body wasting by degrees.

And often as he sighed, “Alas!” the grieving Echo from the wood answered, “Alas!”

With his last breath he looked into the water and sighed, “Ah, youth beloved, farewell!” and Echo sighed, “Farewell!”

And Narcissus, laying his weary head upon the grass, closed his eyes forever. The Water-Nymphs wept for him, and the Wood-Dryads lamented him, and Echo resounded their mourning. But when they sought his body it had vanished away, and in its stead had grown up by the brink of the stream a little flower, with silver leaves and golden heart – and thus was born to earth the woodland flower, Narcissus.


“So, he was a very handsome man, and yet he forgot about him self and died of his love of his own image?”

Yeah, I said. He is loved by everyone, but he couldn’t love another, but him self.

“Echo, cursed for not able to speak, but then vanished into the wood because she is in love with him?”

Because she’s in love with a man who couldn’t love others than him self.

“And what they say about being narciss is when you look at your self…”

…too much. So you only capable of caring your self and not able to mind others, he who only thinks for him self, and care deeply for the image of himself, and no one else. In this age, people kidding through some events, like when you put your own picture in FB, and you like it, and you put a caption, saying how handsome I am… that’s when you become him, narcisssus.

“Oh…, I see. I have to tell my son about this. He’s been spending his time way too much for bragging about him self, and never care about anybody else. He’s so proud of a man, but I’m worry about him, because he is not talking about anyone else, but him. Him and him. His pictures are everywhere and I never met any single woman come to home, or if he planned to get married someday..”

She started to scrub me. With a chocolate flavor, hmm….

We keep talking, and when it’s finish, I told her that her son is a grown up man (40, she said), so I’m sure he knows what he’s doing. She just have to be there, when he needs her, that would be enough. And she said, she will tell him the story anyway. She doesn’t want his son look at himself for his lifetime and just died, not moving on with his life.

My mom asked me what happened, when the masseuse gone home. I told her. And her face turn into a serious face, “I’m sorry for her…” –and I said, “Oh, it’s okay. Her son is just gay.”

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The Urge of Craving Pasta

Pasta time!

Now, please note I made this from a sudden craving for Pasta, and yes it tasted delicious ^_^

I saw this Pasta several weeks ago and the form of it made me curious. So I bought it.

the reason why I cook today

As I start ‘browsing’ three refrigerators mom has in the house, I found these:

loving the brocolli...

.. and don’t forget these:

these guys never disappointed me 😉

The rest is basic.

You will cook the pasta first, and in my case, since I love crunchy stuff to eat, I chopped the beef and fried it. Then we can start to cook the meal!

  1. Put margarine into the pan
  2. Fry the chopped garlic, also chilli, and some of the chopped onion
  3. Pour some water, wait until it boils
  4. Put inside: ketchup, chilli sauce, and cheese, wait until it boiled and mixed right.
  5. Put the pasta inside
  6. After a while, put the brocolli and the rest of the onion down.

chop, chop, chop!

I dont put any salt or additional spices inside, but if you like pepper or barbecue sauce, you can play around with them. Maybe some paprika and mushrooms will make the dish more tasty, and colorful.

Anyway, here it is…

Jaa... jaa... jaaa.... ^_^

Have a nice dinner, beautiful people in the world! 🙂

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The Messy Industry, film budgeting

Indonesian filmmakers now no need to worry for jobs this year. They are everywhere. A director committed to make 10 films this year. First time filmmakers, each, has at least 3 upcoming films, to be shoot, all, this year. Documentaris, to be told by a contact from the government, reached more than 15 productions, all around Indonesia. My classmates are everywhere now, agencies, producer, director, writer, they reached their long-passioned positions.

Back on my table, I made 18 initial budgets already, now ongoing for another 4 more. I’m working on this only since february 2012. Those are for commercials, music video clips, film, short films, animation. Don’t ask how many proposals, I stopped meeting people to talk but working it out all online, funny, faster that way.

Wow, many upcoming projects, you may think. From that 18, at least 2 or 3 will be back and finally get executed.

From my table, only 2 of them back to me. I gave one of them to my friend, because the scheduling is not fit with mine, and another one is still on the ‘H’ letter. Hope.

I stopped making commitments as nothing is really worthed anymore. And just catch on the date, which project it will be, for me to working on.

But that’s not the pessimist part. I know some movies succeeded commercially, reach almost a million audience last year, and some makes triple profit out of the revenue. This year, all the investor are trying to get the same luck, the same profit, even more.

One of them, has 2 weeks shooting days, less than a month pre-production, with a budget less than USD 60.000! One of my friend, on another project, came home at 3 am and has the next call on 5 am, that’s everyday for almost 3 weeks, and they still have more shots to shoot next month. One of my classmates has to work as PM, also Loc. Manager, can only have one more assistant–because they dont have budget to hire more. And in the name of ‘we have another upcoming projects, we’ll call you again after this’, he took the job.

2 or 3 of my close friends, chose to stay sane, and prefer to sit and wait, until things makes sense again. They work on another kind of projects, events, crafts, cooks, etc. Anything but this industry, for now.

My Guru once said, if you dont have the money, don’t even think of making a movie. I told my line producer once, never start any production without knowing the money is there.

I mean, if you can make a movie with a budget of USD 60.000, working in less than 2 months, am I going to have a crap-movie-list now?

When it comes to budgeting, means you have the story locked and the general directing concepts ready, why compromise?

But hell, yeah. I may have born in the wrong country, the wrong century. If filmmaking deals now seems like a deal you can get between friends, then I’m definitely not a member of that universe. I’m not enabling low production budget for the rich become more rich only. Nor I enabling for any small corruption forms in filmmaking, even if its my own boss, I’ll be out of their way in a second. Been there, done that.

Maybe that’s why they’re not hiring me again. He he.

Well, 4 more to go.

Have a nice days, everyone! ^_^

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The face I’ve been missing

I think it was 2005, after class in a Ramadhan month. There’s a class gathering for breaking fasting that evening, and I was hectic with papers from classes, I was preparing my self for the final graduation test: make a team and produce a short film.

I don’t remember how, but I ended up getting in his car and went to the occasion together. It’s less than 15 miles away from college. But I remember he insisted on me coming with him. We never talk too much before, but since he’s the Glue character in the class, I recognized him well and had a nice short chat once in a while.

In the car, I remember talking nothing serious. He asked about my final test preparation, and as usual, I answered seriously. He started to make jokes and I laughed. I surprised him with the facts of college bureaucrachy that’s more complicated than we thought, and again he made jokes and makes me laugh. He put jokes on my every miserable moments, therefore I laughed again. And again.

It was just 15 minutes of so, but oh did I feel better that evening. I had been holding my emotions inside, and wait for the breaking fasting time, so I can shout on anyone I want. What a plan I had that day. I remember he said, I know it’s difficult. But if it’s not, why bother to do it anyway? I won’t, but I know you will. Just try to get relax once in a while, just for your self. I’m sure it will be all okay, I mean, this is you. But in the meantime, you can just let me know and I’ll make you laugh again until you’re peeing to your pants!

I was sitting there, alone, watching him driving, listening to him talking seriously and soon when our eyes meet for a second, we laughed out loud. What a crap you just said, I told him, laughing. Yeah, I know, he said. Bullshit, eh?…

I looked at his face, and I love the look I saw.

His face showing me a shy but confident will in his way to cheer me up that evening. He has a good bones structural in his face, original Indonesian Man’s face. So when he tried to stretch one or two muscles in his face, it will show the character well, and his smile shaped them nicely, a warm gift from a friend, for my trouble minds.

In that 15 minutes, never once he gave up on making me laugh. Maybe in 2005, I wasn’t smart enough to hide my feelings, and he could see it in a glance. Even the silences made me smile. For that moment I feel comfortable, sitting next to someone I don’t know much, yet made me smile only by showing me that he cares.

I didn’t talk much more with him later on, in the occassion, I went home with my other friend, which before I went out, he asked how I get my self home. I remember he told me, with a flat face, I wish you live beside my house, so it’s closer for me to pick you up and drop you in the house again. What about living in your house anyway?, I said. It’s closer and hey, you don’t even need to pick up or drop me, I’m there already! We laughed again. Saved you thousands of hard times, didn’t I? I winked at him, telling him thank you for that evening (for cheering me up) and he smiled at me, while asking for a cup of coffee later on, just the two of us. I smiled at him and he smiled back at me, waiting for me to answer. Yeah, sure. Anytime, I said.

He had a girlfriend at the time, the long time girlfriend. So I thought if we have the chance, that would be a very casual ones, spending time with a friend who is trying to make me peeing on my pants. For the whole year since then, we spent more times together, with other friends. The type of Glue friends. I had fun, really. Every now and then he kept asking me when we will actually go to have coffee, but I never had time, so we never really went to have a cup of coffee together.

Then life happens, we both never really meet each other anymore.

Last night, after 7 years, he was there with me in my dream. I was preparing some live show event, and suddenly he showed up with his scooter, hugged me and covered me with his jacket. He didn’t say anything much, but he is there. One time he walked away like he’s going to leave. But he actually showed up again, carrying two cups of coffee and gave me one. I put and stir some sugar inside his coffee. Now he’s reading and drinking the coffee, as I sit calmly beside him, drinking my coffee, silently.

I woke up this morning with a warm feeling, that maybe I never see it, but the face is the thing that I’ve been missing out lately. A friendly face, a warm kind of smile that goes through the way just to let you know, you’re not alone. He stayed just to show you that he understand, that he will try for another thousand times to make you laugh, to just once again, give you the chance to smile. Whatever happens in your life.

For that my friend, don’t blame me if I got a crush (short ones ^_^) on you. I even made him a poem, and when I gave it to him, we both got silent and smiled to each other. Later on, he told me that it’s a good poem. And again, asking me out for a coffee together. And my friend, by looking in your eyes I know, we both learned, we are better this way. That ever since, whenever I meet you in any occassions, I know that I might have been putting my self in a hard times lately. And a ‘Hi’ to you goes far from my end to show you, I’m thankful for that evening. Blessed to have you by my side, just that 15 minutes to ourselves, talking crap and laughing like no one care. And finally see each other, understand we will stay strong if we learn to laugh and relax once in a while. I can see you laughing reading this blog post now. Silly you, silly me. Silly us.

Wouldn’t trade that moment for anything.

When the chance appears, I will sit with you. Silly promise! ^_^

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