a letter to my unborn child

this is the only gift in mess department. it’s the only reason why I walk on my journey.

Sending you the Stars

Dear my Unborn Child,

Spread your arms wide open up there.

‘Cos I’m sending you the stars.

Be good, baby ^_^


I miss you..

Categories: a letter to my unborn child, thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cika and Mika found Chocolates

Dear my unborn child,

There was a twin baby turtles, living in this messy world. They both curious about stuff and love to hang out to new places, meet new people, yes people. In short, for most turtles, they both seemed to be a different ones.

Today, they’re looking for a place to play around. Mom gave them some penny to buy candy, but they thought it would be nice to save it for know. They said saving is good for the future. Oh, well.

Cika, the pink-yellow ones, claimed that she is the eldest than Mika, the blue-green ones. only because she walks faster and think faster. Well, at least for a couple minutes, it doesn’t matter. She is the the oldest and have a right to tell Mika what to do. That’s the most important.

Cika and Mika, the twin baby turtles..

Now, as you see, they found nothing on their way to find a place to play around.

This is boring, Cika said.

Maybe we should try another way on the road home? Mika suggest gently.

So they went through a new path to home, and look around. Just a couple steps away, Cika runs into a place, and she screamed when she saw this…

Little Love, with Smuckers Blueberry jams inside, or Smuckers Orange jam, or Nutella.

Whoaaaa, they look very pretty and pink and, and.. like me! Cika’s happily excited to see this chocolates. Mika read the note next to the pretty things: Little Love, with Smuckers Blueberry jams inside, or Smuckers Orange jam, or Nutella.

And then there were some more, such as these…

Little Love, with Smuckers Blueberry jams inside, or Smuckers Orange jam, or Nutella.

This should be enough to feed the whole village for a month, Mika said.

And then we heard Cika’s screams again, Mika running fast to get near her.

Love Plain. Original taste.

These are so cute, I can bring them all for my girls at school! Yeah, these ones clearly less heavier than Little Love, Mika babbling.

They got curious and curious about these chocolates. It’s energy and we kids need that a lot! Cika shouting from a far, exploring another kinds of chocolate landscape.

Love Genji. Little genji with a cover of chocolate with original taste.

I want to taste it, can I? Cika asked to Mika. Yeah, why not? Mika answered. But makes sure we don’t get arrested later on, I don’t want to play catch with people, it’s definitely not an option.

Kiss Plain. Attached to a stick with original taste.

Kids, mouse and angels. Why not turtles? We kissed once in a while too, right?.. Cika look for Mika.

Mika is staring at another chocolates.

Love Rose. Inside: blueberry and or orange from Smuckers, and or Nutella. Little flowers: plain, original taste.

It’s like, swimming in a chocolate, Mikaaaa….

Pink strawberry flavor marshmallow with a cover of chocolate with original taste. Flowers, original taste.

Careful, Cika. You don’t want to step too close with it.

But, Mika… I want them so bad….

Yupi fruity gummy candy with a cover of chocolate with original taste.

Trees? Mika wonders.

It’s a gummy candy inside, silly. Ck, boys will be boys… Cika said.

Love Stick. Inside: blueberry and or orange from Smuckers, and or Nutella.

It says here, these ones are the bestsellers, Cika. What do you think? Cika? Cikaaa?..

Little Love. Inside: blueberry and or orange from Smuckers, and or Nutella.

Mika found Cika back to the point they started. Why you’re going back here?  Mika asked Cika.

Mika, will it be a trouble for you if you chip in too so I can buy and take some of these cuties back home?

…and Cika pose those eyecandy’s face to Mika.

Mika got silent for a moment, he imagine to carry them home just the two of them.

Little Love packages of 2 and 3 chocolates

Oh, they’re so kind to give us the packaging also, so it will be carry on easier on our way back home. Don’t worry Mika, you made my day!

Cika, our way back home is still far away, so I think we will eat them one by one anyway on our way home.

Okay, I will try to keep as many as them still for our  friends back home. I promise I will try my best. I’m just so excited! Cika is jumping up and down, feeling very happy that she can finally take some chocolates home.

Cika! Hold your self together, or no one will ever believe in turtles anymore. Come on, walk with me, behave your self. Act like you’re older and wiser than me. Like you used to to tell me before.

But I am, older and wiser! Mika!

Yeah, you are Cika. I believe you…

Hey, what is that? You don’t believe me? Let’s race to home, and I will prove you that you’re the youngest between us.

They walked their way far, from the place they never been before. It seemed like they just having fun with each other. Sometimes through everything, it will not matter what you’re doing, as long as you’re doing it with all of your heart, you will have fun and win it anyway.

So my baby, as they walk home now, I think it’s best for you to get some rest. Let’s pray for Cika and Mika, hope they will always find that new places, people and explore anything the world offers them. As I hope you will too.

Good night, Sweety.

Love you.

Categories: a letter to my unborn child, food | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

the day when my IT guy is drunk

My child,

Yesterday we were trying to send a big file to our client in France, for a test project in my office. It was an important file, actually needed to send it by the day before yesterday, but they’re willing to wait until yesterday, because, as my bosses said, they love our work very much.

In short, it was on the highest level of priority task.

After so many little chaos, last night, we successfully sent the file, and you could say, we’re on time. Good job, isn’t it?…

Just an hour ago my IT crew sparked me, says that the file sent to client last night. One using Singapore line, another using our own line. I said, thank you, I read the notification email from him this morning. He said, not that one (Singapore), the other one (Own). I said, oh, I didn’t get any email about that other one (Own), sorry. Thanks anyway, I said.

He sent me the link and…

I: Thank you. Anyway, since you haven’t write the email notification for the delivery using Own link, would you write one to our Bosses and CC me in the email?

He: You do that. It’s not my job-description.

I: … (am I having a heart attack?)

He: I’m just the guy who uploading the file. I did my job and now it’s your turn.

I: … (no, it’s not a heart attack) Umm, sorry. But aren’t you going to need a written report anyway? That’s how other guys working system with me. They will email, because they will need the email for their own working report anyway.

He: I’m not reporting to you. But you have to report to your bosses, not me.

I: … (I think I’m lost in a jungle now) This test project is directly handed by my bosses, our bosses. I’m not allowed to communicate to client directly. I’m just the internal coordinator. In short, I’m not gonna be the one who will send the email notification to client. Anyway, our bosses asked you to emailed them directly once the delivery finished, so the time would also be accurate.

He:… (is he dead?)

I: But yeah, I can email our bosses for this delivery. No problem. Thank you.

He: I emailed you last night anyway. You should learn to read your email carefully.

I: … (didn’t he said last night email is for the Singapore link delivery?…) Your email last night is for the Singapore delivery, right?

He: Yeah. Read it.

I:… (hell, yeah. he is drunk) Okay. Thank You.

I wrote the email and sent the notification email to my bosses. CCed to him.

A half hour later, one of my bosses asked me, Ranty, what time did the delivery finished? I said, last night. She said, yeah, what time? I said, I don’t know. I’ll check with He (the IT guy). He checked on his computer and told me what time it finished.

Then, my boss said: “Okay. Thank you, Ranty. But for next time, can you makes sure that He will sendus email notification by the time the delivery finished? I and you and even himself, need to know. Just like how we’re working with others. Okay?…”

Okay, I said. (I wish I know how for He, boss. Ideas just fly away from my head to my toe–now is the time to laugh)

You see, my dear baby, I found out later that He was one of those people who’s afraid to be blamed for anything. He’s also one of those people who will do whatever it takes to have someone else to work on his tasks, so he can get home when he’s sleepy and come to work in the afternoon, without everyone noticed.

So I saved my energy to talk to him and make things clear. Instead, I made my self clear. I will need another person to work on this project, for another 24 episodes. Hopefully not a drunk one, he he.

I may have to feel thankful for my teachers, my ex bosses back in Jakarta, for they never let me feel ‘big’, or ‘important enough’. For they always reminds me, that in every job that will come, either it’s from Bollywood or Hollywood, we the production people are just supporting those geniuses in the creative department, even though sometimes to be able to do that, we have to be creative also. Anyway, we will need to work out on things no matter what. And to feel as a bottom, should be seen as a gift. Because it’s the best position to see everything clearly.

So no reason to feel offended. Or acting like a wall, when you noticed people getting hard to communicate with you. Because up or down, order or not, even job desc or not, we would love to think production wise. Not title wise, or our own safe wise.

For the good sake of the project it self, once my crazy boss, Tino Saroengallo said.

Because let’s face it, we are trying to create art here, who would care for your own sake? For the director sake? 70 people, all eyes are on the project, and you whining for an email you have to send?

Got to go for lunch.

Love you, my dear Child.

Categories: a letter to my unborn child, people, work | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

all the good men

After a long walk one night, as I poured my self wine, I had fun singing and dancing in the middle of the night. I remember it was a very full day, I had to meet a lot of people and talk to them, pretend if everything is okay with me. So that night I had a blast, by my self. By getting crazy, by my self.

I was gone to sleep at 4 am, and just realized that I’m not feeling tired at all. As I laid my body on my bed, I keep thinking of how mixed-off all the feelings that I have inside of me. It was surreal.

And that’s my baby, when I opened my eyes for several times, and saw faces I never saw before. They’re nice, kind and loving people. They came one by one for a while and go again, leaving me. Everytime, everyone of them touched my hair, my face and looked at me in the eye, didn’t say a word. I could feel their warmth, gentleness, their kindness, their love that I never know how come they have so much for me. But still they came for several seconds, and gone again.

I recognized some faces, when it’s about the 15th person that ‘visited’ me that night. It was my grandpa, your great-grandpa, whom I still learn about who he is. He looked so bright, but almost cry. I looked at him wonder about his tears, and he hold me tight. As tight as anybody would hold me, as tight as a goodbye. And all of my defenses broken in seconds. Knowing I’m in his arms, and should let him go again, I beg for mercy, please don’t leave me.

He kept holding me, I barely can see his face again, and I saw my other grandpa (from my mom) came near to me. I lost feels of my body, my hands are cold, my face frozen, I hardly can breathe. I closed my eyes, whispering: please, take me with you. It’s the best time now. Please let me go with you. Then my other grandpa hold my hands, wiping my tears, touched my hair and helped me to stand up. They took several steps away from me and look at m from a distance. Then both says firmly to my swollen eyes, “…Way to go, Princess…”. I run to them again and they hold me, again. With my tears keep falling down they are still there, with me.

And then I woke up, find my eyes swollen and my body cold, as I continue to cry and get tired, I fell asleep. I woke up feeling dizzy and angry to not be at the other side where both of your great grandpas be. I was weak, have a fever in second. Yup, high ones. Just when I thought I know my body, God took control and calmed me down. Asked me to save my words (because I lost my voice for 2 days too). If He can talk, He must’ve said, “Try to get a good sleep, then I’ll let you speak again…” ha ha.

I’m still recovering, trying to not get intimidated by those visitors or the routine of daily life. I dunno where I put my daily basis on now. And hoping to meet them again, to meet your great-grandpas. Because now I know, where are all the good men are gone.

Be brave, be strong, sweetheart, for no one may able to define your self, but you.

Love you.

Categories: a letter to my unborn child | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

transformation of your mother’s hair

My dearest child,

Your grandma told me that my hair always troubled her, since I was a kid. She said that it’s really curly, which is okay and actually kinda cute, but she had hard times when it times to brush my hair, cos it got wrinkle and I always screaming of pain and all. So she decided to let my hair grow several centimeters and cut them short again, so my hair couldn’t caused scream tragedy in every early morning before school. Well, at least that’s what she believed will happen.

As a teenage girl, the tragedy still continues so I grew up feeling sorry for the shape of my hair, the black-curly-hair. I grew them long down and cover them with scarf so people won’t bother of how messy my hair was. And I started to fill my brain with a little bit of knowledge, because I know I can’t trust my hair appearance to have comfortable interactions with people, somehow afraid they might not like my hair and don’t want to talk to me. Luckily, your grandpa very happy to know that I grew my hair long and long, for he loves my hair so much, especially when it’s a long hair. And your grandma, still hates my hair.

When I was in high school, I started to have friends who have wonderful hair who knows how to take care them too as well. So I started to bonding my hair. It was 2 hours full of sorrow to wait and I was happy, for once, I saw my hair straight and neat, and I can brush them easily, without having to scream.

Until last year, I had bonding my hair for 3 times and smoothing for about 5 times. Each times are precious times for your grandma and ‘hide-and-seek’ time with your grandpa. The last time I smoothed my hair was last year, and I found some grey hair, protested my decision. So I let it grow longer again and see my original black-not-so-curly-anymore-hair for the first time.

I always wanted to live with my original hair shape, no smoothing or coloring, just as it is, because actually I love my own hair, I just don’t know how to take care of them well. Beside, your grandma’s more concern about my face while your grandpa always focusing me to take care for my brain needs.

With a help from my roomate Andhika and a wonderful stylist Irwan at the salon, know exactly what I want, I went to cut my hair and decided to live with my original shape of hair, the black-not-so curly-anymore-hair. I was really afraid of how it will look like in the end, and keep whispering, God, I’m a warrior surrender my hair to you by the hand of this nice stylist and the company of my roomate. I never asked anything for appearance matters, so please, let me have my old hair well starting today.

And there it is, as you can see, my black (now a little bit Red-colored)-not-so-curly-anymore-hair, now in a short cut, showing my chubby cheeks (eh, what can you do about them? :P) and my short neck. I felt relieved and so much blessed for the courage I have today, and yeah, it feels so much better, like thousands kilos of stones has been released from your shoulder. And it was worthed, because somehow, I feel like I know my own hair better.

So my child, yes, I’m going to hide from your grandpa for a couple months now to avoid his disappoinment with my new hair cut, and really can’t wait to show this to your grandmother.

I’m just sorry, that this nice short hair cut happened when I don’t have my love beside me. I don’t know how or why, am just feeling a little bit sad about that. This is a new thing for me, it takes more than courage to do that and I did. But nobody’s there for me to hug and share this moment. Ck, ah. That’s his loss, I guess. Because hey, it’s not just about hair, it’s everything you need to know about someone’s feeling at the time. Everything you need to know from someone you care about: hair.

Ha ha, it’s time to sleep honey. Kiss you goodnight, hundred times. Love you.


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