these are the destinations, mostly unlikely ones.

mary-jane, 2 wasted party, swallow sandal. cry these out, pocoyo’s here!

It was a private wedding party, in Bali. It’s a friend of mine’s wedding, close enough to attend, and actually I just realized that it is my only reason to get my ass up to fly there.

That evening, between those grateful moments, with people dress nicely celebrating and sharing laugh, romantic setting in a little garden and little rain pouring down put even more dramatic to that evening to remember, my shoes fell off. Left my stocking standing alone, in cold weather. My shoes fell off… 😦

It was okay at the beginning. I was riding behind a motorcycle and walk around to find my friend SO, up and down, up and down, it was okay. And relax, I didn’t wear them for a running or jogging. I was even had my personal time to congrats the Happy Couples, first before anyone else! Don’t get me wrong, but seriously, I was getting to worried about my shoes (and apparently, my new-brand-black-comfort-stocking) and really wanted to be back home soon and put on socks with my Reebok!

It’s a mary-jane’s ballerina model made of lace shoes. Not too feminine, but not too masculine either. It has black laces all over, and that’s the only feminine side of the shoes. No heels, at all. I don’t have the picture of them, but more or less, it’s like these fabulous Givency (oh, my poor shoes):

Givenchy's mary-jane shoes, beautiful isn't it?...

As my friend SO, my ‘date’ that night, get sparkling moments with her guy, I looked for a corner where I can sit down and figure out what to do now. Because I could feel they starting to broke from the front until middle of my feet. Then, there! A little corner where all the girls wore black dresses standing, laughing and took pictures of themselves near a cozy big wood table. When I got near, I realized all the girls wore black but full of flowers in details. Nice. At first I was worried they will notice me and wondering who I am and what am I doing here in their area. Ack! They’re busy with their digital camera to pose this and that, lean on that wall, or lay on this chair. Lucky me. I have some room to think now.

So, how exactly am I gonna get my self away from this party?

I don’t want anybody notice my almost-broken-shoes, so… wear them? Okay. It’s pretty dark there, no one will notice. I guess.

Hmm, since the bottom is not glued together with the top again (the back part is still hanging there, but like elders, I don’t know how long will they last), how will I make my exit as elegance as my entry (pretty elegance for an entry in the dark, means no one noticed, ha ha)? Well, maybe it’s good to cherish every second under the rain (which was getting harder) by walking slowly as I drag my almost-broken-shoes. Fine.

Next, how will I get my self out of here? I came here with SO’s car and now that SO’s caught in her very personal romantic settings, I couldn’t ask her to leave earlier with me. And this beautiful place? Away from any hussle and bussle of town. Means? No public transport. So? I only know SO, no one else here. Hmm? My so-called-private-motorcycle-driver don’t know how to get here anyway.

Well, I need to get my self out of this garden first. What will I do next, it’s for later. Hah!… *I can hear NKOTB singing ‘step by step! ooh, baby, gonna get to you there…’ (my poor head :P)

So I looked around. Now. No, couple minutes later. Umm… Yeah, now! Nope, wait until that woman walk away. Yup, now! Oh, geez, this guy almost caught my almost-broken-shoes with his own eyes! Hhh… One mississippi-two mississippi-three mississippi. Alright. It’s now or never!… For God sake (!), alright, a couple minutes more will not kill me. Sigh.

Alright, wine is everywhere on the table of this room now. Wines and food I haven’t tasted yet. Poor me. All wine glasses seemed empty and people getting closer to their couple more and more. I wiped my wet black stockings with my own cold hands and hoping rain will get over soon. I hope my stocking will last, cos even now I can feel the cold-wood-floor with my toes!

Oh my God.

Earlier steps was okay, there was 4 level of stairs and we (me and my almost-broken-shoes) made the trip to the black stones on the little green garden. I have never been feeling this bad mood when I saw green grass, imagine how difficult to drag my almost-broken-shoes there.

Stepping on the stones now, it’s pretty dark, no one will notice. No one will notice. No one will notice.

So to speak.

Hey, my alter ego is here 😀 Accompany me through this journey! We better sing now so my back will show a relaxed and elegance look from behind, even from the dark. Cool.

“So long, farewell. Auf weidersen, Goodbye. Goodbyeee…. Goodbyeeee….” I screwed up.

Alright now, who is the damn-brilliant-architect of this place, built some little hills from the main room to the exit door? What, did he/she trying to re-create ‘Sound of Music’ sets in Bali? And the exit door is the same entry door too! And, and, and… why people is getting more lazy and more lazy so they came to a party late? Some almost-broken-shoes are not destined to be seen tonight, you know?…

*Walking slowly, humming a song, look down to my almost-broken-shoes, hoping it won’t get worse that way. I won’t ever know what’s going on up there anymore…

This is just great. I supposed to enjoy a party tonight. Have a good wine and getting to know people around as I will make a living here anytime soon. I prepared the dress, stocking, shoes, jewellery, make-up for like months! I don’t want to give wrong impression as I’m new around here, I want to make friends.

It supposed to be like Bali version, umm, actually my personal version of Coco (Chanel, off course) with a touch of Audrey Hepburn looks in Breakfast at Tiffany’s movie. Classic, simple, elegant. Flowery, but black. No silver, but pearl.

Coco, coco, oh, black and white and those pearls!


who wouldn't fall for this look? 😉

Short hairstyle ala Halle Berry when she got her Oscar with a Madeline’s (played by Jean Seberg, Breathless the movie) attitude. Looks innocent, but actually, na-ah!…


love this look! all about it!!!

coco said at 30 your face shapped your best forever looks. is this my (shouls I say 'best'?)forever look?...

Hufff, it’s all just a wet and almost-broken-shoes now. In time, will break my brand-new-comfort-black stocking, oh I never knew stocking can be this comfort. My dress has not even dance in the room, and my hair all soaked wet. My make up, forget it.

Coco, coco. Please send me a ‘Boy’ for me. Just for tonight. He would carry me and my poor almost-broken-shoes away from this crowd. And my miserable feeling will go away. Away and away…

Olivier Sitruk as Boy Capel. I'm your mistress, Boy! 😉

‘Hello, there. Are you okay?’ A tall-handsome-dark hair-guy showed up in front of me. He wore jeans and shirt, and a face (oh, so handsome!) with drops of rain here and there. I look up and smile, ‘Yeah, why wouldn’t I?’ Oh, no. Not farewell yet. Oh, but, let me change my shoes first. ‘Well, okay then. Take care…’ He smiled and watched me walk passing him. Oh no, please. You go. Don’t watch me, no, not now, not tonight. Please, after you.

Hufff… He’s gone. Hell’s gone. Good. Keep walking. You almost there.

‘Oh my God, look at that!’ A woman sitting on a bench pointed at my shoes when I was on the entry door and walking to the parking space.

‘Yes?…’ I followed her finger, stupidly.

‘Oh, your shoes! What happened?’ I smiled to her, ah I made it to exit door, and this woman, sitting alone, noticed my broken shoes. Okay, let’s say, this is a nice way of saying ‘goodnight’, but please don’t stare at them too long, they will cry…

‘Yeah, that’s why I came out of the party. It broke off, I couldn’t stay..’ She took my hand to help me reach higher lever of 2 stairs (!) and watched me sit down as I wiped my wet feet, left my broken shoes (yes, it’s broken finally) under.

She asked ‘What size are you?’ I said, 39. ‘Too bad, I’m 36. If you are my size I will give you my shoes’ I was suprised.

‘Really? Then what will you wear home?’

She smiled along and explained why was she waiting under the rain with little umbrella on a quiet bench. ‘Oh, I’m waiting for my driver to pick me up. I’m only one step away to get into a car, and another single step away from my car to my door at home. Don’t worry, I used to get barenaked feet all the times’

‘Yeah, sometimes it’s nicer that way…’ I said. But not tonight.

We laughed and share stories. She’s a Japanese, a friend of the groom and has a restaurant business in Ubud. She also not comfortable in a crowd and prefer a silent space to read, write, relax or work. She said, ‘I wasn’t looking at your shoes. I looked at your face, and followed it to your shoes! You sure know how to drive your self to be a genius-romantic person’

I certainly laughed. She is a definitely a crazy woman 😛

‘One look,’ she said. ‘I know you’re not just black and white, like how you look now. Don’t worry, you will be fine. Home to a warm water for your feet’

‘Yeah, I actually crossed my feet fingers on that. Look, look!’ I pointed my fingers to my toes, wich were freezing at the time, not crossing any onther fingers. And we laughed.

A minute later, and she’s gone, when my so-called-motorcycle-private-driver called me to let me know that he’s arrived to the place to pick me up. My friend SO also looking for me. So, the rain has stop? Nope, it’s getting harder. But my rain has stopped. I told SO to not worry about me, I will get my self home. She said she’s sorry about my shoes, and probably, forget about me at the party. I’m sorry too.

Kadek’s here, my so-called-private-motorcycle-driver! I wiped my wet face, hang on to my USD 90 pashmina, now also soaked. I hopped on Kadek’s motorcycle on the back, covered my body with plastic jacket. Left my face open with the rain, I want to see how the night’s end tonight for me. Head’s up, barenaked feet’s down. Both tasted a cold-weird-lonely-dark-rainy moments that night.

And I left my shoes, my broken shoes, there, under the rain. In front of an empty bench, where a ‘genius-romantic’ vocabulary ever said and spoken directly to me, by just one look from a single crazy Japanese woman!

Aaaaah…. Take me home, take me home, please.

Sunshine, sunshine… in this beautiful rainy night: Hey, sunshinee…

My roomate ZAS got me my blue sandals in front of our guest house, and an umbrella to cover my (already) wet body. I appreciated it still, ZAS. I was almost down for bed, when she cheers me up and pushed me to get ready for the next party. The closing party for the Festival I volunteered in. But my shoes? She pointed at one pair of my other roomate’s (MP) sandal. Not very much like this, a lil bit better.


'u can wear this' ZAS said. and keep my stocking safe tonight...

Hell, yeah! 😀

Well, the night happened to be the most crazy, wild and weird night I ever had in Ubud, Bali. A lot of bad things occured, and I, with a state of mind that I’m a ghost-invisible girl, was like a soldier at the front line: never give up, no matter what. I didn’t enjoy the second party anyway, both party that were surprisingly went a total disaster for me (I lost my favourite red-giordano-wind-jacket there at the second party) but I met my fabulous friends there! ZAS, MP, AD, also the pretty lady Alma (you and I both pretty ;)), even the shuttle bus’s driver offered us a ride back to our guest house. It’s a very kind offer sir, but I think I will walk my way home tonight 🙂 –I always love good drivers!–

My broken shoes rest in peace now. Thanks for the rainy night, you kept me where I actually belong: home.

Night, world.

Don’t forget the Pocoyo Dance. Never forget the dance, no matter how the day was.


dance, dance, dance. all night long! 😀

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coaster, coaster, table protector

My child,

Most of your grandma’s tables are made of wood. Sometimes I spent my ‘lazy’ times by reading a book and eating her cookies. Well you know the drink, the fabulous Ice Tea or simply just water with Ice cube. It has to be cold, day or night, trust me.

Among all of family members, she kept her eyes on me more often, warning me to put some coaster under my glass. Well, she has a lot f nice coasters, but she said she will only use them for special occasions, like when the Queen of England come to our house, or the President of US stop using his BB. Gee, I will die before I can use those coasters in my life!

I opened my boxes and found coasters here and there. Apparently, my unconscious mind driven me to buy coasters every now and then. Yeah, you said. You’re just a big shopping mania, mom, you said. Well, allright, I’ll take this one I couldn’t resist them! They’re everywhere. In Bali, airport, Java, wherever I find them. And they’re all unique too, like this one:

javanese handmade coaster

I found this one in a store, handicraft store for gifts. It’s made of algae dried leaves, sewed by hands and it has 2 (two) different colors on each side. They compile them into 3 sets, for USD 5 per-set. It comes in colors too!

I must admit it will took a little maintenance to take care of those Javanese handmade coaster. So, maybe you would like this one, considering a little maintenance they required. This one, I will let you play around and use them nicely. Yeah, you said.

balinese kain ikat and batik coaster

Obviously, they made from Kain Ikat (oh what a gorgeous Kain Ikat!) and Balinese Batik (for the centre of coaster). With a simple patchwork design, it has come to be one uniques coaster. I bought them in a store in Jakarta, pilih-pilih. It was cost USD 6 for one set, contains 4 coaster with a cover. They said the designer is Japanese, but material and tailor from Indonesia. It sure does reminded me of those Japanese wallets they have there for gifts! I always love them.

japanese wallets

Anyway, you might not gonna pass this one.

glassy coke coaster

Cool, isn’t it?… They are easy to clean, cool way to pile them up and put them into inventory, they have little rubber in every corner, so they won’t slip away from the table. I found this at one of the aisles inside Ace Hardware. They cost USD 7 for those four coasters.

The next one is really ‘me’. It’s pop, wrapped with classic material and oh, so cute to even see them.

ceramic coaster

They are found next to ceramic piles, what a treasure I got that day! They slipped a thin cork coaster on the bottom of them, so they won’t slip. It cost USD 7 for a set, contains 4 different painting on each coaster. You must be careful to use them, cos they’re too cute to be broken. Hmm, I bet you won’t let me use them, mom, you said.

I say, put them on home display racks?

You say, in my room? cool!

What a weird kid you are my child. But this one beats all. I got them in Uluwatu Store, in Bali, for free (!), cos I shopped clothes in their stores for more than USD 250 (don’t ask what clothes, see the laces on the coasters, you will understand). Better yet, buy those clothes to get this, or, behold your peace forever.

uluwatu coaster

Na-ah, don’t say anything. I’ll keep this one for Prince William, you know, for when he comes to visit us here someday

What a dreamy mama, you said.

Tickles you until you cry. Love you, dear.

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my first batik painting

Last January, after working under a lot of pressure a whole year, I took a little vacation to Yogya and decided to give my self a break. I actually looking for a short workshop make Batik (traditional Java fabric). Instead, I found one day Batik Painting workshop at Kelik’s House. Have you seen any Batik Painting? Here’s some gorgeous ones I found on the street of Yogyakarta, Java, Indonesia.     

Indian Lady. Nice isn't it?

 …or maybe you will like this one too.    

Horses. Fabulous ones! I heart this one, cos those outlines are crazily beautiful!

Now I want to learn how to make one. Happy painting, guys!     
First thing first you must make sure that you’re using 100% cotton for the fabric canvas. Frame it with a simple wood and staples, just enough to keep canvas still. Then, you must drawing some sketch/outline on the canvas with a pencil because you’re a beginner), don’t push it too hard though, just a simple sketch/outline will do.   
Ready? Now with Canting filled with Malam, I started to draw the outline. There’s a way about how you hold Canting, so Malam won’t drop streamy or spill out and comes out exactly as needed. With a little practice, you will get used with how you hold Canting.     

Canting. Painters use them to draw outline over the pencil sketch.

Malam. Liquid to make outlines.

This is how you hold Canting, with Malam inside the little tube.

Now let’s make some outlines with Malam over those pencil outline I made. Careful, you don’t want to spill Malam all over the canvas 😉

drawing outline using Canting and Malam

Since not everybody is an artist, you may make some mistakes like I did. Some Malam dropped accidentally out of line (I swear I didn’t dropped Malam in purpose to mess the sketch :P), here and there. So my teacher taught me to erased spilled Malam using hot water and a knife. Hot water will make Malam comes off of canvas, while knife cleaned the rest of Malam. That’s easy 😀

erasing accidentally-spilled-out-malam, he he. watch that knife, pals...

Malam will get dried in a few minutes and wecome to the fun part! Coloring! My Teacher gave me some color options, I chose pink for the flower (so happy to know that it can be done in gradation colors), bright green for leaves, brown for branches and definite black for the background, so that pink color of the flowers will come out like ‘hellooooo…’  😉 I realized how important the outline was. It helped to keep colors inside their areas.     

Fun, fun, fun!

I waited for the colors to dry, when my teacher asked me if I want to add a texture for the painting. “What kind of texture?” I asked. Then he showed me of of the painting using textures. I spontaneously said, “Yes, yes, yes, I want that tures on my flower painting!” He laughed and gave me this Liquid chemical (I forgot the name, sorry :P), a simple version of Malam. So I cover all of the color areas with that Liquid and keep the white areas clean! 😀 Then, we put the canvas under the sun for a couple minutes.     

put canvas under the sun for 2-3 minutes

When Liquid chemical is half dried, I come to break those Liquid chemical cover, only on pink areas, cos I only want textures on pink areas. This will give a little channels for those black color and makes some texture. I had to do this under the sun and very careful, because too many textures will make it looks cheap (because it’s too much), and if there’s too little textures, it won’t shows on the painting.     

making channels for black colors to come in later, by breaking some liquid cover, carefully.

Some of Liquid cover now broken, I hoped textures will come nicely, not less and never too much more.     

…and it’s time for lunch!     

Oh one meal I really miss in Yogya is Lotek. It’s made of boiled vegetables and peanut sauce. With chilli? Yes, with chillis, please. And oh don’t forget, an ice tea.   

Lotek with chillis for lunch! what a wonderful life. nom... nom... nom... 😀

ice-tea. perfecto!

Walking back to the workshop place, I remember Scorpion’s song: Under The Same Sun. I loved their song even up ’til now. They’re rocks!       

cos we all live under the same sun, we all live under the same moon... - Scorpions

Aren’t those guys cool?        

Well, now I know my batik painting must be dried now. I continued bleach canvas with black color. But first, I must pour some yellow liquid (again, I forgot the name ) on the canvas, black coloring, and another yellow liquid to keep the color lasting longer.     

yellow liquid 1, front and back.


black coloring now, front and back. no need to dry them up before.

continue to yellow liquid 2, front and back.

Then, I waited for canvas to dry again. That’s when I met him, the cutest guy in Yogya, sitting calm in front of his food, too cool to even care about anything else outside. Oh… *fainted       

well, elowww there, cutey-matey...

Oh how handsome he is, how adorable those long ears. Enjoy your vegan lunch, huh?…       

My teacher called me, canvas has dried, so I took the canvas out of the frame and start to cook it. Yup, cook the canvas in boiled water, on a stove! Relax, I didn’t eat it, this process was done to lose Malam and Liquid chemical.      

boil the canvas in about 5 minutes...

Canvas then washed with cold water, until all Malam and Liquid chemical is gone, but I can see those white outlines now. Those outline once covered with Malam. And also, texture on flower looks great! Look, look…       

see those textures on the flowers? I made it, he he... and gradation worked okay too 😀

And those white outlines? That’s what Malam were for. Gee, I wish I could be more careful with the outline. Anyway, it’s time to put canvas under the sun again. And this is for the last time! Happy last-time-sun-bath, canvas!       

it looks like a very small batik painting, he he...

It was going to rain and canvas hasn’t fully dried yet, Mrs. Kelik (who just came home) take it and ironed it. And Voila! My first Batik Painting!       

My first Batik Painting 😉

I will never forget this experience, since every time people forgot about how and lead an instant lifestyle. I can’t imagine how those Batik painters made this in a short time, under pressures. Somehow I’m lucky that my work wasn’t purely art. Because you see, it shows. In your art, how you feel when you create it, it shows.       

Bye Mrs. Kelik. I took your big heart and spirit with me, hopefully someday will be back again to learn more. And more!…       

me and the nice lady Mrs. Kelik at Batik Kelik, Salakan, Yogyakarta

That day I learned to ride my own rollercoaster. As I packed my backpack at Mrs. Kelik’s workshop, I ran to catch my plane to come home, to meet my boyfriend. He wasn’t there.
And I know something were wrong.    
The next day I knew he was cheating on me, I was torn. Then I put up my first Batik Painting on a frame, on a wall of my kitchen, and I know that this is not my loss, it’s his loss.       
Let there be wounds, I have all the time to heal, again and again. No worries. Both world and I have a lot to offer.      
Carpe diem, my wonderful friends!  

Nite, babe. Love you.

Categories: crafts, people, places | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

…the journey continues.

mess suitcase

this mess suitcase is just exactly who I am, mess. but as natural as it is, Iwant to explore possibilities around me, any kind of challenge that will led me into a better person. that’s why if you look closer into this picture, you can almost find everything.

the good thing is that this suitcase is a strong one, the strongest I have between all of my suitcases, and the volume is just right for my self, not too much or less, just enough. so when I found it overload (just a little bit) like this, I know, am trying to do something more than to walk my own journey. and in my case, to be a hero for the world-right now, it’s not good.

so everytime, I tried to keep my stuff fit in this case. because I don’t want to bring too many ‘fat’ in this life. and as I move on every second, I need to believe in my own words, that no matter how mess my stuff in my suitcase, I will walk this path. no matter what.

because this mess stuff is mine and I’m proud of them.

welcome to my mess world, it’s your challenge to find the beautiful side in it. and if you can’t find it, maybe it’s simply because you read this, its beautiful.

thank you for being the beautiful side of my mess. gbu.

Categories: a letter to my unborn child, people, places, thoughts | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

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