Posts Tagged With: face

The face I’ve been missing

I think it was 2005, after class in a Ramadhan month. There’s a class gathering for breaking fasting that evening, and I was hectic with papers from classes, I was preparing my self for the final graduation test: make a team and produce a short film.

I don’t remember how, but I ended up getting in his car and went to the occasion together. It’s less than 15 miles away from college. But I remember he insisted on me coming with him. We never talk too much before, but since he’s the Glue character in the class, I recognized him well and had a nice short chat once in a while.

In the car, I remember talking nothing serious. He asked about my final test preparation, and as usual, I answered seriously. He started to make jokes and I laughed. I surprised him with the facts of college bureaucrachy that’s more complicated than we thought, and again he made jokes and makes me laugh. He put jokes on my every miserable moments, therefore I laughed again. And again.

It was just 15 minutes of so, but oh did I feel better that evening. I had been holding my emotions inside, and wait for the breaking fasting time, so I can shout on anyone I want. What a plan I had that day. I remember he said, I know it’s difficult. But if it’s not, why bother to do it anyway? I won’t, but I know you will. Just try to get relax once in a while, just for your self. I’m sure it will be all okay, I mean, this is you. But in the meantime, you can just let me know and I’ll make you laugh again until you’re peeing to your pants!

I was sitting there, alone, watching him driving, listening to him talking seriously and soon when our eyes meet for a second, we laughed out loud. What a crap you just said, I told him, laughing. Yeah, I know, he said. Bullshit, eh?…

I looked at his face, and I love the look I saw.

His face showing me a shy but confident will in his way to cheer me up that evening. He has a good bones structural in his face, original Indonesian Man’s face. So when he tried to stretch one or two muscles in his face, it will show the character well, and his smile shaped them nicely, a warm gift from a friend, for my trouble minds.

In that 15 minutes, never once he gave up on making me laugh. Maybe in 2005, I wasn’t smart enough to hide my feelings, and he could see it in a glance. Even the silences made me smile. For that moment I feel comfortable, sitting next to someone I don’t know much, yet made me smile only by showing me that he cares.

I didn’t talk much more with him later on, in the occassion, I went home with my other friend, which before I went out, he asked how I get my self home. I remember he told me, with a flat face, I wish you live beside my house, so it’s closer for me to pick you up and drop you in the house again. What about living in your house anyway?, I said. It’s closer and hey, you don’t even need to pick up or drop me, I’m there already! We laughed again. Saved you thousands of hard times, didn’t I? I winked at him, telling him thank you for that evening (for cheering me up) and he smiled at me, while asking for a cup of coffee later on, just the two of us. I smiled at him and he smiled back at me, waiting for me to answer. Yeah, sure. Anytime, I said.

He had a girlfriend at the time, the long time girlfriend. So I thought if we have the chance, that would be a very casual ones, spending time with a friend who is trying to make me peeing on my pants. For the whole year since then, we spent more times together, with other friends. The type of Glue friends. I had fun, really. Every now and then he kept asking me when we will actually go to have coffee, but I never had time, so we never really went to have a cup of coffee together.

Then life happens, we both never really meet each other anymore.

Last night, after 7 years, he was there with me in my dream. I was preparing some live show event, and suddenly he showed up with his scooter, hugged me and covered me with his jacket. He didn’t say anything much, but he is there. One time he walked away like he’s going to leave. But he actually showed up again, carrying two cups of coffee and gave me one. I put and stir some sugar inside his coffee. Now he’s reading and drinking the coffee, as I sit calmly beside him, drinking my coffee, silently.

I woke up this morning with a warm feeling, that maybe I never see it, but the face is the thing that I’ve been missing out lately. A friendly face, a warm kind of smile that goes through the way just to let you know, you’re not alone. He stayed just to show you that he understand, that he will try for another thousand times to make you laugh, to just once again, give you the chance to smile. Whatever happens in your life.

For that my friend, don’t blame me if I got a crush (short ones ^_^) on you. I even made him a poem, and when I gave it to him, we both got silent and smiled to each other. Later on, he told me that it’s a good poem. And again, asking me out for a coffee together. And my friend, by looking in your eyes I know, we both learned, we are better this way. That ever since, whenever I meet you in any occassions, I know that I might have been putting my self in a hard times lately. And a ‘Hi’ to you goes far from my end to show you, I’m thankful for that evening. Blessed to have you by my side, just that 15 minutes to ourselves, talking crap and laughing like no one care. And finally see each other, understand we will stay strong if we learn to laugh and relax once in a while. I can see you laughing reading this blog post now. Silly you, silly me. Silly us.

Wouldn’t trade that moment for anything.

When the chance appears, I will sit with you. Silly promise! ^_^

Categories: people | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

18 to 29: nothing seems as it seems

it’s 2009 already and every places starting to looks like the same. every face, any kind of taste, all actions man made, all angers, all laughs, all smiles, all that I remember to put through, seems like all the same in the end.

and I must be lie if I tell you that they don’t have their own colors, their own shape, their own taste, their own destiny, somewhere hidden.

it’s reside in full of sincere silent, where even the saddest fallen tears sounds like an angels lullaby, where all the farmers spend their lives working hard at farm and have a nice tea in the end of every evening, praying for a good earth, even after hundreds of years, thousands of warriors died.

it’s shining on each drops of sweat that fallen from my street children’s face, anytime they look up to the sky, hoping to see God, always been that simple, like a freestyle dance in a crowd, where everybody wouldn’t notice but to feel the hard struggling in the air, on every corner.

it’s challenging sun and moon to race their times to unlimited sky, so every angels will meet the demons, arrange the deal, so that any kind of goodness wouldn’t have to burn down with a simple lie. and the demons will have any chance to live among man, but to hurt their loved ones, by simply offering white lies in promises, fatamorgana.

it’s warmly hold the river, which always the only secret path to an endless love, the only treasure man ever search and needs, where all the doors used to closed now widely open, and the guard open their arms to hold man’s fears, will finally able to cope together.

it touches every heart, every skins, where even all the lost souls will shattered through the soft smoke and will finally release the pain inside, and even all the shaking heart eventually meet their strength and continue their journey, with full awareness.

it doesn’t works the same ways, never once, but had always been the only key to every heroes in man’s heart, every answer in every man’s questions, almost nothing to everything, but yet something we can’t deny.

hand in hand, those colors filled the night with so many reasons to patiently wait, under the dark sky, curiously still to understand that every second means so much more. every chance means hope.

..and that hope is you.

yes I know, love spreads it’s bright into thousand and thousand more questions, religion and beliefs seems to look like politics anyway, moms and dads not quit believing that their own enemy is their sons and daughters, and their love is just another investation they made on earth-longing to be paid back someday, man’s having and losing even more, take everything more than a single gift to this earth.

I understand, streets and roads might not as safe as before, art has become consumable products-somehow will die by the other justification, marriage and milk has the same expired date, point of view and subjectivity use more as weapons more than originality.

…wounds everywhere. walk fast going nowhere.

I know. that’s why I hope you will bring your smile up front, never put white flag above your door. be a war if it has to. but that’s what makes you a man, a good one. when you’re standing still, on the truth reveals life to a better more life…

…even when nothing seems as it seems.

I’m with you, my dear.

Friday, January 2, 2009 at 5:58pm

Categories: thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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