Posts Tagged With: grieving

the love that will kill you

She is a 27 year old woman, just graduated from her second college. Father just passed away, mom own a little local shop at home, to feed 6 people in house, all in one time. Older brother works everywhere to put more dime, other brother has mental illness, sister in law purely taking care of the house, while the little niece, just grown to 5 years old.

Economy never once crashed like now, and she has a dream to be a Film Director someday. There’s sadness inside the house, regrets and non-stop big wonders born all the time within it. Young people, must stay at home, put aside their dreams, in order to keep this family survive. Because mom started to silent her words and no longer able to sleep in her bed alone, without her late husband.

Physically attack, I believe is everyone issues in this little world, somehow, its a basic needs in a family. But mentally attack, which keep continues even when needs screaming to be fulfil from out there and you simply can’t, start to feel like ridiculous.

You’re grieving, that’s understandable. You need sometimes to put back all the broken pieces of the family member’s hearts, before continuing this journey. Okay. You shut down all of your doors and windows, to make peace with your anger inside, fine. But to shot down your own life this way, I dont know.

She has always been all the good side of my self, people loves to work with her (more than with me). Somehow I know, she will make a good Film Director. Lately she’s been rejecting a lot of job offers, work chances, put anger for those friends who acts like no friends (that we usually didn’t care at all), lately she lost her mind. She cant feel anything at all. She’s losing perspective.

I told her to get out of the house, and start to build her own life. I’ll cover what she need for a while and she can go back home anytime she want. All that she need o do is to take that single step to get out. Not to leave or abandone off course, but in a total awareness that life goes on, and so should she. If this is a mess, then she should figure out how to fix it, especially when she find it hard to deal with it.

Yesterday she told me that her mom wouldn’t let her. I told her, not any single mom would let her children step out of the house, that’s what moms do. It’s their job. But she must take that step and go with her own life, otherwise I don’t know. I don’t know.

I took me years before my mom let me get out of my house. And she never able to stop me to go out. Even when she finally did let me go out, I know she was sad, and I caused her pain to worry about me every night, but this is something I have to do. Time don’t make her go softly when I told her I’m moving away from the house (again & again), but that was a step away from the house, not from her. So she had no reason to get mad at me. I gave her no chance to fight my will. Not at that time and not even now.

My concerns to her (my friend’s condition) is that this big love she has from the grieving family members, will kill her. And that would be the most sharp knife you can use to kill. It will go deep in silent and you won’t recognize your own blood until you’re losing your own sight and died instantly, in the arms of the people you love, the people who use your love to shot you down.

Yes, this is for you, my dear friend. Please, know in advance that you will be okay. I won’t let things bad happens for you, for you have so many to offer to this world. I hope someday soon, somehow, you will be able to take that step outside. You owe yourself that chance.

In the meantime, take care. GBU.

Categories: thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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