19 years ago, when I was 13, my parents divorced. I knew it all by my self, no one told me and I simply took conclusion by watching my mom packed and go, also read a sheet of paper by coincidence when I was going to iron my clothes in the morning. I pretended things were okay, but the fact was, my whole world turned upside down.
I spent my days blaming my self, thinking that I’m not matter, that nothing would be good enough from that moment on. That people doesn’t care about me anymore, and I lose my faith to stay alive. I literally went crazy, and as no one knows, people started to think of me as a weepy girl. Because I kept crying and choose to be alone, in any occassions, hating my self, find a way to kill my self.
Yes, that was the 13 years old me.
A friend came for comfort, he is a friend of my boyfriend. I resented my boyfriend away, and he came along. I resented him, but he wouldn’t give up. For the rest of my 2 years in junior high school, I couldn’t care less about anything, anyone. I wasn’t afraid of anything. I lived in my own corner, and I was solid for my self until he came.
He tried a lot of things to stop me from feeling bad about my self. He worked on my homeworks, sneaking to grab my paper by the class window, write down the answers to my exams. He made sure I got into class, and I got on the right bus home, everyday.
After one year, I got used of the idea that he always stand behind me, watch my back. Seconds before I disappeared from him, I looked back and I always find him, waving his hands at me, smiling. Telling me that everything will be okay. And in the meantime, he will be there for me.
One day he moved away, my boyfriend said that he is sick and he has to go back to his hometown. We didn’t even say goodbye. But he left his address for me, and for sometimes, we kept in touch by mail.
I have his latest letter with me. He wrote that if he is offered to stay alive longer and that means he couldn’t get a chance to know me, he wouldn’t do it. He will keep it this way, that he had a chance to know me, to take care of me, even though he had to go first. But I will be your Man, Ranty, he said. Just like the song once we heard over our rich friend’s walkman, now and forever, I will be your Man.
I never really understand then, until I learned from my boyfriend, that he got Leukimia. And his time is up.
Not any single time, everytime I heard the song again, I didn’t remember him, and all the things he did for me, when nobody cares. He is, for me, a guardian. I could be lost in drugs and do another stupid any youth does in their age for no reason, but he kept me out of those area. And while he was doing all that, covering all of my silliness, he was struggling with his Leukimia also. No one knows until he left Jakarta.
I was just browsing and I found out this video, it brought me in tears because I miss him so much. And I hope to meet him again, to just hold him and tell him that I love him, for staying put between my madness, for being a friend when no one has faith with me anymore. For being there with me, even when I resent him everytime. For being my Man.
I swear, I miss his companies. We don’t have a lot of this kind of friend nowadays.
So, have a good rest, my Man. Hope you sit well with God up there. I miss you, and will always miss you down here. Hugs.